i like this but parts of it seem a tad forced:

Old roots
Grow still deeper,
And hold the earth gently

this would read much better without the conjunction and with "holding"

Grow still deeper,
Holding the earth gently

without the comma too to make it flow easier

Whilst the branches grow still higher

this is a me thing i think but the word order seems to be all wrong, personally id do it

while the branches still grow taller

something liek that to get rid of the repetition from the second line

But then the leaves change their colour,
And the soil freezes,

i'd use "ground" instead of soil and instead of "and the..." id use

the ground freezes over something like that and id make each line indiviual, finish them with a fullstop

But then the leaves change their colour.
The ground freezes over.
The tree can't grow.
Cold roots.

Ok cool,

In reference to the first point, I wrote it like that for the reason that, the roots grow deeper then hold onto the earth once more. It's like a person growing in levels. They need to grow once more for the branches to reach the sky which has slipped further away.

Then, 'the branches grow still higher' is likened to the second line. 'Branches still grow taller' sounds as if they grow even though the roots do, rather than helped by the roots.

HOWEVER, your point about 'And the soil freezes', I agree with. I originally wanted 'and the ground freezes over, but it was one syllable too long, i never thought to Split them into seperate sentences. However, i would still keep the semicolon as the reason for the tree not growing is its cold roots. What affecs the roots affects the rest of the tree.

Thanks for this great critique Keep them long, i'll need them in the next couple of days.

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llizArd

your welcome ill try and be more useful in future and ill make sure theyre just as long

First the a/b/c technique and now the 2-4-6-8. You are turning out to be a tactician of poetry when i'm just a mere poet. I envy you, my friend!
Still, another fantastic poem.

EnduringDreamer

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Check me out and please comment. [link]

hey hey hey

I like this.
I never thought to set myself form to challenge writing.

On a whole i find this works well, and after reading Holly's post, I had an idea.

How about maintaining the same theme, same kinda wording, but applying the same poem to different structure's?
Just an idea!

good work indeed


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_{[ All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. ]}

Hey thats quite a good idea, mybe i could do that when i'm suffering from a block

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llizArd

Lol is kind of you to drop such a compliment, but there is no reson why you should not be able to do so ether. Check out poetic-forms [link] for some ideas. How I worship them now

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llizArd