A new kind style for me i thought i'd try out. Comments especially appreciated (if you haven't already, though if you ave more to say, feel free). Here are the previous comments:

Deviant: ~EnduringDreamer (#163700572)
Date: Aug 22, 2005, 11:52:32 AM
Very nicely done! Brilliant! ^_^
EnduringDreamer
-~Hakuin (#163937397)
Date: Aug 23, 2005, 5:51:54 AM
Thanks dude
~-Belle-Fairy (#163930699)
Date: Aug 23, 2005, 5:19:09 AM
I really like this poem, but as you say it is very different from your other work. The only thing i'm not so sure about is the first stanza, but thats probably just me.
~-Hakuin (#163937278)
Date: Aug 23, 2005, 5:51:20 AM
Please say what makes you unsure dear lady, i would fin it extremely helpful.
-~Belle-Fairy (#164226367)
Date: Aug 24, 2005, 3:14:50 AM
I'm not saying anything bad about it because like i said i really like it, i just thought that you got your point across better in the other stanzas and i found them easier to understand.
:- ~Hakuin (#164228190)
Date: Aug 24, 2005, 3:25:37 AM
Lol ok, cool then.
-~The-Philosophy (#164014944)
Date: Aug 23, 2005, 11:05:09 AM
Buddy. this is awesome.
The images you place in mind are vivid and strong.
This poem appeals to me muchly
I'm not one to know much about structure, i tend to just go with flow from the tongue.
But this works, for me at least.
And i like how you've addressed a few issues all in one poem. nicely done.
you grow well my friend you grow well indeed.
--~Hakuin (#164018238)
Date: Aug 23, 2005, 11:17:15 AM
Thank you most vey much sir